Heather’s Best Idea

August 3, 2019

The Plan was always to have more than one child but I will admit the whole newborn thing had scarred me deeply.  The lack of sleep coupled with the need to be provider and protector for another life had fundamentally changed me as a person and it took some convincing from my wife.  When the nurse rolled a 16 hour-old Palmer into our hospital room and announced that she would need to stay with us for a while because she was “bothering everyone in the nursery” alarm bells began to ring in my head.  Less than a day old is really early to be thrown out of a place even for a Foster. I had been duped. I even went so far as to refer to her as “your idea” when talking to my wife. Baby Palmer’s cry would ring out in the night and I would nudge my wife and say “your idea is awake.”  I know. I am hilarious.

If you have ever met my youngest child, you know that my wife was right.  So I thought it would be fitting on her twelfth birthday to tell you some things about my kid that you may or may not know.  

She is loud.  

She breaks things.  She leaves her mark on this world.  So far Palmer has taken out one glass shower door, a glass storm door, and has done other small remodeling jobs around the house with tools such as paint, markers, slime, etc.  My first prayer to God was that my children would be healthy and the second was that they wouldn’t be boring. You got me on that one Big Guy. Please don’t tell her but I wouldn’t have her any other way.

People love her.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone so beloved.  Adults think she is witty and sweet and little kids can’t get enough of her.  You can fool adults but you can’t fool little kids. Her spirit and most importantly her love for them is like catnip for the pre-K set.  One little girl described Palmer to her mother as “the one who fixes all the problems” and another said “she’s my friend. She’s a big kid but she’s little.”  Given her choice during Bible School or any other time, Palmer will always take the little kids and they couldn’t be happier.

She is feisty.

If you have ever seen her throwing elbows on the soccer field you know that my baby doesn’t back down from a challenge.  Try to beat her in a game and you are in for it. Mess with her friends and you can prepare for retaliation. Do something to her family or her dog; let’s just hope the trunk of your car has four spare tires in it.  When she was still in a high chair she would habitually stick her foot on the table driving her mother crazy. A light smack on the foot and a stern “no ma’am” were ineffective so I popped her harder. As I picked up my fork she looked me dead in the eye and slowly lifted her foot up to the edge of the table.

She is hilarious.

Palmer has always had a knack for knowing the exact wrong thing to say.  It’s like a kid who can get every single answer on a True/False test incorrect.  Some of the longest minutes of my life were during children’s sermons or when adults asked her questions.  But as she has grown that ability has transformed into a sense of humor that astounds me. One night during supper the girls were asking their mother what she thought a great career for them would be.  Heather told Pom she thought life as a missionary would allow her to use her gifts to serve God and mankind. Palmer was very pleased with this answer. “I would love to be able to help people. I mean I wouldn’t want to live in a place without electricity or clean water but I would love to help people.”  Classic Palmer.

At the end of her kindergarten year Palmer’s class held a ceremony where every student received an award.  Being school teachers Heather and I have managed to miss almost all of our girls’ awards ceremonies but an army of friends have sent pictures and video throughout the years and this was no exception. Heather texted to inform me that Palmer had won the  “Sparkliest” award. “What the hell is that?” I wondered. When I got home I found a red faced Palmer and I asked for an explanation. She was doubly furious. Firstly, she didn’t win best singer (see Feisty section above) and secondly when she was given her award everyone laughed.  “What’s wrong with sparkliest?” She looked at me with those squinty blue-grey eyes and said “Spunkiest. I won spunkiest and everyone laughed.” I told her that I felt “spunky” was a tremendous compliment and that I had been called that myself a time or two.  

Palmer’s teacher wasn’t wrong.  She is spunky. But I think Heather’s misheard award description may be even more accurate.  Sparkliest. I have been fundamentally changed by this child and I thank God everyday that my wife convinced me to have a second.  She is the brightest star in my sky. I love you Palmer. Happy Birthday.