Politics and Process

Over the months ahead I’m going to use this space for two main purposes which actually align with my mission. I call them the two “P”s. Politics and Process. If I’m going to ask for your signature (and then for your vote) it would only make sense for you to know what I think about government and its role in our lives. Political parties call them platforms but since I’m my own party I will just refer to them as my beliefs. I also want to shine a light on the process of running for office. What does it take? What hoops do you have to jump through? Is an elected position out of reach for the common person? It will all be here so let’s get started.

So, what are you?

When people ask that question they are traditionally referring to party, which is problematic now that one-third of North Carolina voters aren’t registered Republicans or Democrats. I used to refer to myself as an independent but recently I’ve had to learn how to spell unaffiliated. I’ve gotten pretty good at it because of lots of practice but I will save that for the process section. As an independent I feel free to embrace policies from both major parties along with the Greens and Libertarians without feeling like I’m cheating on someone. You see I’m what used to be referred to as a moderate. 

The problem is that moderate is a tough sell these days because we don’t tend to take extreme positions on anything. There are no cable news channels that spout centrist dogma or push moderate policies because that doesn’t sell commercials. The shame is that most Americans fall in the middle but our voices tend to be drowned out by the screamers on both ends. Talking heads from both major parties only seem to agree that the other side doesn’t love America, understand the Constitution, or grasp what the Founding Fathers intended. According to Pew Research, American political beliefs have barely changed but how we feel about those we disagree with has taken a dramatic nosedive towards the negatives. I blame politicians. 

So how do we change that?

The solution to our political divide is understanding that our government has been shoehorned into a two-party system which leaves little choice besides A or B. Because of this, our candidate options can’t be too moderate for fear that they may be accused of agreeing with some of their opponent’s policies. The lightbulb moment for me came when I realized that Republican and Democratic politicians may disagree on policies but can’t exist without each other. So I decided to run as an alternative option.

House District 53 is the highest office that I can run for and still work through our Harnett County Board of Elections. In order to keep any fools willing to pay the filing fee from appearing on the ballot in November, state law requires a potential unaffiliated candidate to procure signatures from registered voters equaling 4% of the total number of voters for that office. Even though this sounds like an SAT question what it means is that I will need just short of 2,200 signatures from registered voters in District 53. Signatures must be on the form provided by the Board of Elections, not electronically, and be turned in before March 3rd, 2020. At that point the staff will hand verify every signature against the current voting rolls and if they are approved, voila, I’m a candidate for State House District 53

In a later post, I’ll let you in on the labyrinth of paperwork that I’ve already completed and other barriers to participation for Independents but first I need to get on the ballot. The signature threshold is daunting but not impossible if I’m diligent and have your help. If you would be willing to host a signature party please send me a private message and we can work on a schedule. If you are a member of a civic organization or church that would be willing to give me a few minutes to share my thoughts that would also be great. Together I believe that we can strike a blow for decency, common ground, and healing for our divided state and country.

What Are You Thinking?

December 17, 2019

Today I filed my notice of candidacy for the North Carolina House District 53 to run in the November general election as an unaffiliated candidate. This is something that I have thought and prayed about for quite a while and with the full blessing of my wife have decided that now is the time. If I’m being completely honest the idea was germinating when I first started this blog as I thought it would be a great format to share my thoughts on politics and the journey through a political candidacy. As I look back over what I have written here previously, I have come to the realization that I have given glimpses of my beliefs on government.  It isn’t to the extent I feel a representative of the people should make himself known so I will begin to remedy that in the near future. For this entry, however, I will seek instead to answer the first question my wife asked me when I initially broached my intention. Why do this? 

Why do this?

There are a number of reasons why I have chosen this moment to enter the political fray but if I had to boil it down to just two reasons they would be my kids and my kids. 

My first set of kids are at school because I am an educator and my professional calling requires me to take ownership of their development and understanding of the world. As a teacher of social studies, I have spent nearly 15 years explaining the history of man, the development of democracy, and the functions of the American government. During that time I have seen politicians from both parties carry our government further and further away from the founding beliefs and ideals that our textbooks describe. I have come to believe that this isn’t some sort of pendulum swing that will eventually reverse course back towards the principles that I was taught as a student and it became clear that I had two choices. I could begin teaching that the bedrock of our beliefs have cracked and eroded to the point that, going forward, America would be a fundamentally different place or I could try and do something about it. I have obviously chosen the latter. 

The other kids that I referred to in my decision are my own daughters:  Elizabeth Jean and Palmer. My wife and I believe that parents should model the type of behavior they want to see in their children which impelled me to this decision. Complaining about a problem without offering a solution is nothing more than whining and I want my girls to believe that they can make their world a better place. I believe I have something to offer and if I do nothing I become complicit in the destruction of the very institutions that are the backbone of the state and country that I love. I would be turning my back on my children and their future. 

So I’m doing this. It will not be easy but few things of true value are accomplished without hard work and sacrifice.  The first hurdle to an unaffiliated candidacy is procuring signatures to petition in order to appear on the ballot in November and that will be the subject of my next entry. I thank you for your interest and if you are in District 53 I look forward to hearing from you about what you think works and doesn’t work with our state government. For now God bless you and God bless the great state of North Carolina. 

Heather’s Best Idea

August 3, 2019

The Plan was always to have more than one child but I will admit the whole newborn thing had scarred me deeply.  The lack of sleep coupled with the need to be provider and protector for another life had fundamentally changed me as a person and it took some convincing from my wife.  When the nurse rolled a 16 hour-old Palmer into our hospital room and announced that she would need to stay with us for a while because she was “bothering everyone in the nursery” alarm bells began to ring in my head.  Less than a day old is really early to be thrown out of a place even for a Foster. I had been duped. I even went so far as to refer to her as “your idea” when talking to my wife. Baby Palmer’s cry would ring out in the night and I would nudge my wife and say “your idea is awake.”  I know. I am hilarious.

If you have ever met my youngest child, you know that my wife was right.  So I thought it would be fitting on her twelfth birthday to tell you some things about my kid that you may or may not know.  

She is loud.  

She breaks things.  She leaves her mark on this world.  So far Palmer has taken out one glass shower door, a glass storm door, and has done other small remodeling jobs around the house with tools such as paint, markers, slime, etc.  My first prayer to God was that my children would be healthy and the second was that they wouldn’t be boring. You got me on that one Big Guy. Please don’t tell her but I wouldn’t have her any other way.

People love her.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone so beloved.  Adults think she is witty and sweet and little kids can’t get enough of her.  You can fool adults but you can’t fool little kids. Her spirit and most importantly her love for them is like catnip for the pre-K set.  One little girl described Palmer to her mother as “the one who fixes all the problems” and another said “she’s my friend. She’s a big kid but she’s little.”  Given her choice during Bible School or any other time, Palmer will always take the little kids and they couldn’t be happier.

She is feisty.

If you have ever seen her throwing elbows on the soccer field you know that my baby doesn’t back down from a challenge.  Try to beat her in a game and you are in for it. Mess with her friends and you can prepare for retaliation. Do something to her family or her dog; let’s just hope the trunk of your car has four spare tires in it.  When she was still in a high chair she would habitually stick her foot on the table driving her mother crazy. A light smack on the foot and a stern “no ma’am” were ineffective so I popped her harder. As I picked up my fork she looked me dead in the eye and slowly lifted her foot up to the edge of the table.

She is hilarious.

Palmer has always had a knack for knowing the exact wrong thing to say.  It’s like a kid who can get every single answer on a True/False test incorrect.  Some of the longest minutes of my life were during children’s sermons or when adults asked her questions.  But as she has grown that ability has transformed into a sense of humor that astounds me. One night during supper the girls were asking their mother what she thought a great career for them would be.  Heather told Pom she thought life as a missionary would allow her to use her gifts to serve God and mankind. Palmer was very pleased with this answer. “I would love to be able to help people. I mean I wouldn’t want to live in a place without electricity or clean water but I would love to help people.”  Classic Palmer.

At the end of her kindergarten year Palmer’s class held a ceremony where every student received an award.  Being school teachers Heather and I have managed to miss almost all of our girls’ awards ceremonies but an army of friends have sent pictures and video throughout the years and this was no exception. Heather texted to inform me that Palmer had won the  “Sparkliest” award. “What the hell is that?” I wondered. When I got home I found a red faced Palmer and I asked for an explanation. She was doubly furious. Firstly, she didn’t win best singer (see Feisty section above) and secondly when she was given her award everyone laughed.  “What’s wrong with sparkliest?” She looked at me with those squinty blue-grey eyes and said “Spunkiest. I won spunkiest and everyone laughed.” I told her that I felt “spunky” was a tremendous compliment and that I had been called that myself a time or two.  

Palmer’s teacher wasn’t wrong.  She is spunky. But I think Heather’s misheard award description may be even more accurate.  Sparkliest. I have been fundamentally changed by this child and I thank God everyday that my wife convinced me to have a second.  She is the brightest star in my sky. I love you Palmer. Happy Birthday. 

It’s been a while since I’ve written but this afternoon, as I rode the lawnmower around the yard and my girls picked up limbs, inspiration struck me. The recent college admissions scandal that has roiled Hollywood and the nation is just too much low-hanging fruit. It has caught up some of the finest actors of our generation and also some who, although pretty, might not be considered master thespians. Something that they do have in common, however, is enough disposable income to give their children an unfair advantage gaining admittance to some of the finest higher institutions of learning in our country.

The ways in which these millionaires gave their children a “leg up” into college is as sordid as any Hollywood story line. One was a $15,000 payment, disguised as a charitable gift, which was paid to a current FBI informant who controlled a testing center and allowed the student’s answers to be corrected by a professional test taker. Another saw a Hollywood star’s daughters listed as recruits for the rowing crew at USC in order to allow them admittance into a school they evidently didn’t have the qualifications to enter.  Faux tutors have also admitted to pretending to be the students themselves and take tests in the place of the youngsters; one even going so far as to ask for a writing sample so their “work” would match.

Perhaps the least surprising thing, for me anyway, about the entire episode is the outrage and disgust expressed by news commentators, talking heads, and my Facebook feed. As for myself, I’m about as shocked by these allegations as Captain Renault was that there was gambling going on at Rick’s Cafe.  As one person online said, “I just always assumed that rich people bought their kid’s way into college.” So, honestly are we really angry that something we thought was happening anyway turned out to be true. Does it turn the knife just a little more that it is a bunch of Hollywood Lefties taking advantage of the system when they so often preach equality and #metoo?

What about the colleges and universities themselves?  Are they somehow complicit or are they, as has been indicated by the President of Wake Forest, victims of fraud in their own right.  Should I be offended that N.C. State wasn’t on the list or can I thump my chest and say they are above such foolishness and that I earned my way into college.  Will these schools now have an even greater influx of applications since they are also the choice of the Youtube elite? Will this whole scandal affect America’s perception of affirmative action and make folks more cognizant of the role that affluence plays in the ability to get into college?  I don’t know.

What I do know is that after being a teacher for 14+ years I’m rarely surprised at the length parents will go to in explaining away bad behavior or in the skewed perception they have of their children’s merits.  I’ve known parents to request classes their kids don’t qualify for because they think it will somehow raise their efforts to match the rigor or because they don’t want them around kids from “standard” classes. I’ve had kids use language that would make a sailor blush only to have their parents promise that their babies would never use any form of profanity and I’ve seen college level homework turned in from students that couldn’t tell you the capital of North Carolina using Google.  

The point is children make you crazy and most of us would go to almost any length to give our kids the life we wish for them.  Some of us have integrity, some of us have money, and some of us have both. One final thought for the talking heads. Is it worse to have your mom pay money for you to take someone’s spot at a prestigious university or to have someone take your spot in Vietnam because your dad paid a doctor to write you a sick note?

Some things can’t be replaced…

As hurricane coverage moved into what seemed like the 5th straight day, I thought I would take advantage of the alternative channel offered by WTVD to show their regular programming.  Good Morning America, as they should have, opened with coverage of the hurricane and it was surreal watching some of the same reporters that I have watched cover other disasters report on one so close to home.  As they cut from reporter to reporter showing different scenes from the state I love so dearly, I was most struck by an older gentleman and his wife from the Jacksonville area. He had originally indicated that they weren’t going to leave their home because they had no place to go but as the waters rose nature forced their hand.  Later, after he crawled down from a high-wheeled military vehicle, he waved his hands in front of his chest and said, “This is all that I have.” I’m a cryer so as I sat in my cool, dry house, sipping freshly brewed coffee and watching the devastation on my big screen you know that a tear trickled down my cheek.

The storms of life (figurative and literal) don’t really make or break us but instead give us a glimpse into who we truly are.  Heroes are most often defined by the best moments of their lives and villains are generally infamous for their worst. What I have seen over the past several days from folks is a deep and abiding sense of community.  Countless offers of places to stay, hot showers, food, generators, and most importantly prayers have poured in with greater abundance even than the rain produced by Florence. As we collectively hold our breath and watch rising creeks and rivers, I know beyond a shadow of doubt that we will be there for each other in times of crisis and the in between times. It is simply how we are made.

The elderly gentleman from the news story told the reporter plainly, “some things can’t be replaced.”  After countless scenes of storm damage and flooded towns, I made the mistake of thinking that he was speaking of physical things and it broke my heart.  The phrase “lost everything” echoed in my mind and I wondered how long it would take for hundreds of thousands of my neighbors to return to some semblance of a normal life.  As he walked away from the reporter, however, he took his wife’s hand and together they walked into the shelter. I said out loud into my empty, silent house, “that guy has everything.”  When I hug my family later today I will too.

This week my sweet and ever patient mother will celebrate another trip around the sun and I thought this space would be the perfect place to celebrate her. The point has been well made by my brothers that I am a “mama’s boy” but as her favorite son (zing!) I wanted to share some of the wisdom and practical advice but most of all love that the great one has bequeathed through the years.  She will be mortified by some of the following quotes which will be attributed to her but I swear on a case of Cheerwine that they are true.

“The last time I wore them, I put them back where they belonged.”  

This little gem of parenting advice usually popped out when I couldn’t find my shoes as a child.  They might be in the backyard, under my bed, or in the creek but I could rarely find them. As my wife will verify my inability to find almost anything persists to this day and she gives me as much grief about it as my mother.  Because I’m spoiled, the next thing that Mom would do is find my shoes which were normally where I had taken them off.

“You aren’t leaving the house in that.”  

As a youngster I showed the same aptitude as most of my peers for fashion sense (which is practically none) so it isn’t any wonder that the first job Mom ever found for me was working in a men’s clothing store.  But it wasn’t always about fashion; often it was about the reflection our choices made on our family. Mom hated holey jeans and the fact that denim paid for every bite of food that I ate until I was 18 I never owned a single pair.  But by far the best story was about how Mom worried that my Bahama Mama T-shirt was showing a little too much side-boob. Her solution was of course a liberal application of acrylic paint which was retouched after every washing.

“I’m sorry I ruined your childhood.”

This is a fairly recent addition to the Mom lexicon and it normally comes out after I relate a story about how my mom painted my T-shirt in 8th grade so that it wouldn’t show too much of an island girl’s tit.

“BRIAN CHRISTOPHER!”

First and middle name means that you are in trouble and I bet she just said it out loud when she read the word “tit” in the sentence above.  She probably just said it again.

“I’m disappointed in you.”

Normally this one showed up around report card time. As has been noted I’m spoiled and didn’t get many spankings as a child but I did hear this one often enough to remember the feeling that it created in my gut.  Mom wasn’t packing my bags for a guilt trip but instead was reminding me that she had high expectations and that it was my responsibility to meet them. As bad as “I’m disappointed in you” felt it was nothing compared with “I’m so proud of you.” She said that a lot and sometimes even when I deserved it.

“Nothing good happens after 11:00” or the alternative “Anything you can do after 11:00 you can do before 11:00.”

Curfew was a big deal and I missed it once or twice.  When I was in high school I assumed it was because my parents wanted me to be as boring as they were but now that I’m older and I’ve heard a few stories I’m thinking it was because they didn’t want me making the same mistakes they did.  My favorite story however wasn’t about missing curfew but instead about a time when I came in and was totally honest about what I had been up to including brand names and quantity. This flustered her because she expected me to lie but when she composed herself she dropped the most Mom quote of all time.  “I wish you had enough respect for me to lie to me.” Absolute gold.

“Remember who you are.”

When my brothers and I left the house we heard this phrase more often than not.  I won’t speak for them but in my opinion we frequently displayed a piss poor example of showing what a fine job our parents did raising us but it appears we may be late bloomers because I think now we’re doing alright.  Our kids don’t seem nearly as dumb as we were. Regardless, we were taught better and the expectation was that we would show it.

“Love, Mama”

Every note, birthday card, or letter I’ve ever gotten from Mom was signed the same way.  “Love, Mama” is a truth as consistent as gravity and sunrise and I have never for one second on this planet doubted that it was true.  Knowing that it was a constant allowed me the room to become the person that I am and most of what is good about me is due to that woman and most of what’s wrong she tried her best to fix.  Only God in heaven loves me more than my Mama but I’m sure when she gets there they will have one hell of an argument about that.

Happy birthday Mama. We will never be able to give you a gift as great as the gift you are to us but I do hope that you know how much we all love you.

So evidently a few thousand teachers marching in Raleigh tomorrow is enough to bring out all that is fine in humanity or at least that’s how my Facebook feed makes it appear.  After a cordial back and forth with a relative over the weekend, it became apparent to me that there may be some misunderstanding about the march, specifically, and education in general.  Instead of my normal attempt at a cohesive set of thoughts (I know right?!), I will instead list the opinions that I have heard expressed and my response.

“I don’t have a problem with teachers trying to make every cent they can but a march isn’t the way.”— Protests, if that’s what this is, aren’t meant to be comfortable but I’m pretty sure the NCAE and the teachers that I know are describing this as a “march for students” to the legislative building then a “rally for respect” afterwards.  They believe that N.C.’s per pupil spending (39th in the nation) is an embarrassment and that our kids deserve better. On that point I agree. More on pay later.

“The real problem is the bloated bureaucracy at the state and local level.”— One of the powers that the U.S. Constitution reserves for the states is the ability to authorize and administer every government within that state.  Since there is a veto proof, Republican majority in the General Assembly I’m assuming that bureaucracy will be shrinking any minute now. Let me know when that’s going to start…

“How would you like it if we brought Bev Perdue and the Democrats back?”— I love the reference to the former governor who committed political suicide by furloughing (i.e. not paying) teachers and other state employees in order to meet the restrictions of the N.C. Constitution’s balanced budget amendment.  I would think there must have been another way and I will admit it hurt when it happened and I was angry but Purdue’s commitment to education far outstripped our current legislature. If someone can find me some numbers about education spending in the 1990s and early 2000s I would be much obliged.

“You shouldn’t be laying out of work” or “Think of the burden and money lost by parents.”— Using a personal day and paying for your sub is hardly “laying out of work” but I plan on working myself.  My prayers and support go to my colleagues heading to Raleigh and I’m working for change one blog at a time.  As for all of this “scrambling” that parents have had to do, I believe this has been in the works for a few weeks now.  Scrambling is what you do when your kid throws up on you right before you walk out the door for school.

“It’s political”— Although I’ve heard it from others, the award for most ironic use of this phrase has to go to Phil Berger.  You attacked the NCAE with some late-night shenanigans and your colleague was heard on a hot mic chuckling like a Bond villain about it.  Killing teacher pay boosts for having a Master’s Degree and attempting to turn teachers on each other to compete for bonuses like some twisted Educator’s Hunger Games means that a lot of people don’t want to see you get reelected.  Yes Phil, it’s political.

“Find a new job if you want a raise.”— So if I’m understanding you correctly an American’s only choice if they want a raise is to leave their current job.  I teach economics so I should probably figure that out. An alternative to this one is the tried and true “You knew what you would get paid when you started teaching” or my personal favorite “You only work 10 months a year.”  This is a delicate subject for me because I was brought up not to talk about money and also I don’t care about it. I was also brought up to value myself based on how I treated others and what I do to help society. I won’t be so prideful as to speak for myself but the folks I work with are underpaid.

“Public education isn’t a good return on investment.”— By definition, public education is paid for by taxpayers and they deserve to know what they are getting for their hard earned money.  Right now they are getting higher graduation rates and performances on national tests that surpass states that spend far more per student.  And speaking of funding… when you adjust for inflation (sorry economics again) N.C.’s per pupil funding is 19.6% lower than 2008. We should be able to cut corporate taxes again however.

Finally, as an olive branch to the General Assembly, I would like to take a second to defend State Representative Mark Brody.  Technically, he didn’t directly call North Carolina teachers “thugs” but instead he insists he was referring to the national level of teacher organizations.  N.C. teachers are not allowed to unionize but folks like Rep. Brody and Dallas Woodhouse like drag out the ghost of Jimmy Hoffa every now and then for effect.  If I were a thug I would drive to Monroe and beat Brody up but I’m not a thug, or a commie, or a Teamster. As I have said before, I’m just a teacher.

February 22, 2018

I’m angry.  I say that as a word of caution because my intention from the start with this blog was to not have a shouting match or become overly wrought, pontificate or be judgmental, and I especially didn’t want to upset my mother.  She loves me and is very proud of me and she often suggests to her friends at church that they read her “brilliant son’s blog.”  Her words not mine.  But I’m angry.  And when I’m angry I swear.  (Mama calls it “strong language”).  Proceed with caution because I write like I talk and when I’m angry I swear.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

In class last Wednesday, several of my students wanted to debate the 2nd Amendment and gun control.  We were studying the Constitution and the Framers’ intentions with the Bill of rights, so this wasn’t too far outside of the scope of an AP Government class but I told them that we needed to put it off until we were further along in our studies.  The following day, after being barraged with images of lines of students snaking out of school with their hands on their heads and cell phone video of classrooms in chaos in Parkland, Florida they practically burst through the door.  “Can we debate the 2nd Amendment nowwwww?,” one of them asked.  “Not while you’re emotional,” I returned, trying not to sound condescending, “but if you want to talk about what happened yesterday we can certainly do that.  We can debate the issue after we’ve all calmed down a bit.”

I love children and teaching them has been one of the most rewarding and joyful experiences of my entire life.  I try not to define others by what they do for a living but I openly encourage you to judge me by my job title.  I am an educator.  I have joked that I would do it for free or that I teach for free and I get paid to go to meetings and grade papers and honestly that isn’t far from the truth.  Outside of my family and my church, this is my life and these children in my classroom mean more to me than I could ever express.

That being said you must be out of your mind if you think that I will ever carry a gun into a school building to protect them or my fellow teachers.  When I hear about those brave heroes that shielded other people’s biological children with their very bodies from a hail of bullets it absolutely shatters me and I pray to God that if I were ever called upon I would do the same.  I tell my students their life is more important than mine the first day of class when we discuss these very types of safety issues and that a crazy person will have to come through me to get to them and I mean it.  I can say that with the confidence of someone who knows there are brave men and women who will do the same thing for my own daughters.  

But carry a gun?!  I can’t even work the damn Scantron machine at my school so I grade papers by hand.  Don’t tell administration but I’ve been known to kick the copy machine when I’m frustrated with it and people are suggesting that teachers be armed.  If you know me personally you know that I’m one of those few chosen people who are just idiotic and arrogant enough to think that they can do just about anything but I won’t do that.  I don’t always have the faith in my fellow teachers that I should but I’m saying I don’t trust myself.  The day that teachers in public schools are armed will be the day that I look for another job.  And I will burn in Hell before I send my own children to a school with armed teachers.

I find it ironic that some of the same legislators that don’t think I’m trustworthy enough to be left alone with my own class during testing are suggesting that maybe teachers should be armed.  These same lawmakers won’t give me a raise for getting a Master’s degree but they might pay me for being half-assed trained to respond to an active shooter on campus.  Nope.  My girls will stay at the house and be home schooled by my wife while I shovel shit before that happens.

The Pandora’s box of problems with arming teachers is so extensive that I can’t even begin to address them.  Suffice it to say that before we changed the WiFi access in my county every single kid in school could log on because some adult didn’t protect the password.  And you want us to carry guns?  I’m no Alec Baldwin and I’m not moving to Canada but I will eat ice cube and dirt sandwiches before I carry a gun to school.  If you think that the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun then ask your government representatives to come up with some money for an increased police presence.  They are professionally trained to serve and protect.  I’m just a teacher.

December 30, 2017  EJ’s Birthday

Today is my eldest daughter’s 13th birthday and now that she is a teenager I think it is best if I take my right of parental embarrassment to the Web and share it with the world. As a professional educator (no really), I am familiar with the fact that most parents think that their children are special so I’m not here to tell you why I love my daughter.  I love her because she’s my daughter.  What I would prefer, instead, is to tell you why I like my daughter as a person, so I have compiled a list of quotes along with some observations which lead me to believe that she is truly a gift from God.

“We have some children who don’t really fit in with other children and EJ always makes sure that everyone is involved and feels worthwhile.”  

This is my best recollection of an email that I got from one of EJ’s teachers a while back and if someone had told me that she charged into a burning orphanage and saved three babies, while being crowned Miss America as she scored the game winning goal in the World Cup, I couldn’t have been any more proud.  We don’t see enough people considering other people these days and my heart swells to know that my child finds value in everyone.

“There are 5 extra questions on the test which are field test questions.  The state just wants to see if they are good questions to maybe use on a later test and they don’t record the results for individuals.” – Me   

“So can we contact the state and see if I got them right?”- EJ  

The child had done exceedingly well on her Final Exam but she just couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that she had counted 42 questions on the test and her score was taken out of only 37.  Don’t mistake me, she isn’t a perfectionist necessarily she just wanted to know how she did.

“I’m not crying because we lost.  I don’t really care about that.  I’m upset because I won’t be on a team with some of these girls again.”  

EJ loves to win and she loathes losing (check her last name) but she enjoys being part of a team more than just about any child I’ve ever seen.  She is also really hard on herself when she screws up but never points fingers at her teammates when they do.  She will never be the most athletic player on her team but she will more than likely be the most coachable and the best teammate.

“Bird”  

This is one of the first words I can remember EJ saying when she was little besides “dada” and “mama”.  We even have a picture of her as a toddler on the beach with her finger pointed to the sky and I will swear on my life that she is saying “bird”.  Oddly, it was rarely a bird she was pointing at but instead it was a barely, noticeable jet no bigger than a speck.  That eye for detail has never gone away.

“I’m sure that you will get lots of emails from parents who think that their kids are special.  I’m no exception to that group except that I’m right.” – Me

Since I’m in the business myself, I like to touch base with EJ’s teachers at the beginning of the year to let them know that I’m not going to give them any grief.  I haven’t sent this email in a few years because most of her teachers are friends and co-workers that already know her but I never sent one during her elementary days that didn’t get a reply within a few weeks confirming my assertion.  One of the things I’m sure that I don’t delude myself about is that she is truly a joy to teach.

“The only issue I’ve ever had with her is that sometimes she doesn’t want to put her book away when it’s time to do other work.” -More than one of EJ’s teachers

Whenever we have heard this my wife and I always give her the stern face and a reminder that you ALWAYS do what the teacher says WHEN the teacher says it.  And then we typically sneak into another room and high five each other.  If this is the only negative report that I get from school about my child then all I can say is “Thank you Jesus!”

“That just hurts my heart.”- EJ  

I can’t even remember what she was talking about at the time but it struck me that she feels things deeply and that her seemingly, limitless imagination helps her to empathize with the pain of others to an incredible extent.  I envy her friends.

“If Jesus sits on God’s right hand, then who sits on his left?”- EJ  

She asked this question of our minister and it really only scratches the surface of her curiosity about her own faith not to mention the faiths of others.  It is also representative of her inquisitiveness in general and her willingness to admit that she doesn’t know something.  I could certainly take lessons.

“Hey Daddy…”

I saved this one for last because it’s my favorite.  Countless times daily EJ will begin a sentence with “Hey Daddy…” and what generally follows is a request for an explanation about something she wants to know; migration patterns of black bears to the second law of thermodynamics, the color of belly button lint or why I have nipples.  She asks and then patiently listens for my answer and often asks a follow up question or two.  I’ve begun to understand that it is isn’t just that she thinks I’m smart and that I know a lot of answers.  I think that she intrinsically knows that I derive much of my self worth from being appreciated by people that I love and respect and she is asking as much for me as for herself.  

So do I love my daughter?  Yes.  Do I like my daughter?  Absolutely.  More than that I unreservedly adore her.  Am I bragging?  Hell yes, but my salutation in her birthday card might explain why.  I simply wrote, “To the first, best thing I’ve ever done.”  I know beyond a shadow of doubt that statement is true.

Snowflakes, Safe spaces, and Participation Trophies

I’ve actually had the idea for this entry for a while but just a few days ago my thoughts crystallized after viewing a friend’s Facebook post. It was actually a meme showing D-Day landing craft with soldiers deploying onto the beach. The caption, if I’m remembering correctly, said something about Millennials leaving their safe space and what if they call us names.  I’ll admit I chuckled.  What struck me as the most ironic is that Millennials often refer to themselves as the “meme generation” and here a meme was being used to ridicule them.  

You don’t have to look far to find data and studies to confirm the stereotypes about Millennials.  For the first time in 130 years, it has become more common for those aged 18-34 to live with their parents than with a spouse or romantic partner.  Lazy, shiftless, aimless, and spoiled obviously.  Except that the real truth is that they are simply waiting until later in life to get married and in fact they aren’t living with their parents in record numbers at all.  The year with the highest percentage of that age group still living with their folks was 1940. You know, the Greatest Generation.  Of course, in their defense it was still the Depression.

As a card carrying member of Generation X, I too have felt the sting as older generations looked down their noses and questioned our commitment to work, school, the American way, or whatever.  I remember quite vividly being told in high school that we would be the first generation to have a lower standard of living than our parents.  Gen Xers were born during an astronomical rise in divorce rates and a time period where, according to many researchers, less focus was placed on the child and more was put on the adult. Since the majority of our parents were Baby Boomers this shouldn’t come as a surprise. Rest assured that I’m not speaking to specific situations or people but more along the lines of generational stereotypes.(Hurts, doesn’t it?)

Kids Today…

What actually puts Millennials in the cross hairs of older generations is the natural human tendency to be disappointed with and frightened by the perceived incompetence of young people.  All the way back in Ancient Greece learned souls bemoaned the inadequacies of their younger generations and made many “hell in a hand basket” style prophecies.  One Roman suggested that even a woman would be a superior choice for leadership roles than many of their young men.  While a fondue fork to the tympanic membrane is less painful than much of their music what you mostly find is that they are just as smart(or not) and hard working(or not) as previous generations.

Of course some individuals and some policies are justifiably ridiculed but for the most part future generations are made by past generations.  Many young people today genuinely seek to be inclusive while prior generations plainly were not and of course any person that is constantly told from preschool on that they are special and can do anything will think of themselves as a unique snowflake.  But guess what Grandma; I’ve never seen a kid smelt their own participation trophy.  It’s hardly fair to lay weakness of character at the feet of an entire generation when most parenting today seeks to be more about preparing the path for the child and not the child for the path.  I think Pete was right when he said that the kids are alright.